This Christmas season I wish for authenticity for people, for acceptance of one another, for truth and kindness and grace to be exchanged and for wonderful gatherings, treasured memories, warm laughter and big hugs. My hope is that no matter what your situation is, that you get to unwrap these things and that you share them with someone else on your list.
It's nice to make a list like this. This week on the radio in talking with the folks at Triton Wealth Management (Wayne Zussman and Karen Baer) we touched on ways we could show our love to people on our list without spending beyond our means. Make time for people, create a coupon book of special outings or scheduled things to do together. Most importantly, enjoy one another and be present to each other.
May you and yours have a blessed Christmas!
Warmly,
Andrea
Sunday, December 19, 2010
Sunday, December 12, 2010
Words and Behavior....
Thanks to all of those people who listened to my first broadcast on 1530AM, WCTR last Friday at 11 am. I appreciated your phone calls, e-mails and continued support as I embark on this new venture. Join me at the same time this Friday.
Anyone who knows me well knows that I am a big proponent of words and behavior matching. When they don't, my guard is up. I try to live by this and take it to extremes at times. For example, I will not tell my kids we are going to do something special I have planned unless I am absolutely sure I can make it happen. I'd rather them find out as we are pulling into the parking lot of some place special and be surprised than make them a promise and not be able to deliver.
I am quick to take note when I start to notice someone saying they are going to do something and then they don't follow through - especially if they are promising it to me or my kids. I won't get angry or hold a grudge, I will just know in the future not to take the person at their word.
The recipe is simple. Do what you can, don't over promise and deliver what you say you will. It helps to keep you living an authentic life and to be (to the people who matter most to you or even colleagues, co-workers,etc) who you want to be to them. It's amazing the difference you will make in your own life and in the quality of your relationships.
This week start paying attention to what you say and be sure your behavior is proof. Take notes and see if there are any discrepancies. If there are, be sure to close the gap.
Have a great week!
-Andrea
Anyone who knows me well knows that I am a big proponent of words and behavior matching. When they don't, my guard is up. I try to live by this and take it to extremes at times. For example, I will not tell my kids we are going to do something special I have planned unless I am absolutely sure I can make it happen. I'd rather them find out as we are pulling into the parking lot of some place special and be surprised than make them a promise and not be able to deliver.
I am quick to take note when I start to notice someone saying they are going to do something and then they don't follow through - especially if they are promising it to me or my kids. I won't get angry or hold a grudge, I will just know in the future not to take the person at their word.
The recipe is simple. Do what you can, don't over promise and deliver what you say you will. It helps to keep you living an authentic life and to be (to the people who matter most to you or even colleagues, co-workers,etc) who you want to be to them. It's amazing the difference you will make in your own life and in the quality of your relationships.
This week start paying attention to what you say and be sure your behavior is proof. Take notes and see if there are any discrepancies. If there are, be sure to close the gap.
Have a great week!
-Andrea
Sunday, December 5, 2010
The frenzied pace begins....
The madness has officially launched. Black Friday saw record crowds, traffic has picked up and people are driving like maniacs! It makes me want to retreat even more and relish the innocence and peace that the season intends. I will take out of the way back roads so I am not frustrated by crazy drivers, I will avoid the malls and strive to truly manage what I need to accomplish but I will most importantly, prioritize and pick and choose what commitments I will make to holiday gatherings. I will carefully consider what is best for myself and my children and family versus over-committing and having unrealistic expectations for my children to adapt. We can't do it all, so it will be my job to help to trim the list of to do's.
What will you do to prepare for the holidays? I challenge you to ask yourself (before making any commitment to anyone) is this activity, request, gathering, event an absolute yes and a family centered activity for my family or should I pass? Trust me, if it's not an absolute yes, it's a no.
Do yourself a favor. Be kind to your fellow shoppers and especially to your retail employees. Be patient, let others go before you, play some Christmas music and be festive. It only takes one to start a ripple effect!
Make it a great week!
Deck those halls!
Warmly,
Andrea
What will you do to prepare for the holidays? I challenge you to ask yourself (before making any commitment to anyone) is this activity, request, gathering, event an absolute yes and a family centered activity for my family or should I pass? Trust me, if it's not an absolute yes, it's a no.
Do yourself a favor. Be kind to your fellow shoppers and especially to your retail employees. Be patient, let others go before you, play some Christmas music and be festive. It only takes one to start a ripple effect!
Make it a great week!
Deck those halls!
Warmly,
Andrea
Sunday, November 28, 2010
Thanksgiving.....
My favorite holiday and weekend has come and gone already. I love,love,love thanksgiving. The meal is wonderful to spend together with family and it's nice to have extended time to visit longer with more friends and family if we so choose. I find myself so grateful for my husband and children. I take great solace in Maryland's Eastern Shore and pinch myself to know we live here. It is not a hardship and has such a small town innocence. I am also thankful to be in the company of people who enjoy my family and I and are as eager as we are to share time with them. These, my dear ones, are part of my family of creation.
The fact that Thanksgiving comes without the stress of Christmas (because we as a culture, lack the full intention of it,) makes it more relaxed. Just being present - truly present to one another is the gift we give and receive. Sometimes we're successful, sometimes not so much.
In order to prepare for the Christmas season, I challenge you to put a new spin on your regular holiday preparations in order to bring back the true meaning of them. Maybe you could add some acts of service, truly reach out to someone in need with the full intention of the season in mind. Maybe try to resolve a conflict or just spend a little little time with someone who really misses your visits. There is no need to make your intentions public, but keep your challenge private and take action on it. If we collectively cut back on the greed one person at a time and reach into our hearts to take time and share our personal gifts and talents with one another, what a difference a day - Christmas Day - could make not only in our hearts and homes but in our world. This year make your preparations by opening your hearts.
I am grateful you stopped by and hope you will join me on Fridays at 11 am starting on December 10 by tuning into WCTR, 1530 am for my new talk show. Feel free to join me for topics about family, relationships and more.
Be well...
Warmly,
Andrea
The fact that Thanksgiving comes without the stress of Christmas (because we as a culture, lack the full intention of it,) makes it more relaxed. Just being present - truly present to one another is the gift we give and receive. Sometimes we're successful, sometimes not so much.
In order to prepare for the Christmas season, I challenge you to put a new spin on your regular holiday preparations in order to bring back the true meaning of them. Maybe you could add some acts of service, truly reach out to someone in need with the full intention of the season in mind. Maybe try to resolve a conflict or just spend a little little time with someone who really misses your visits. There is no need to make your intentions public, but keep your challenge private and take action on it. If we collectively cut back on the greed one person at a time and reach into our hearts to take time and share our personal gifts and talents with one another, what a difference a day - Christmas Day - could make not only in our hearts and homes but in our world. This year make your preparations by opening your hearts.
I am grateful you stopped by and hope you will join me on Fridays at 11 am starting on December 10 by tuning into WCTR, 1530 am for my new talk show. Feel free to join me for topics about family, relationships and more.
Be well...
Warmly,
Andrea
Sunday, November 14, 2010
Soulful Laughter....
I had a great opportunity to connect with some friends this weekend. We were friends from childhood but no longer live in the same area. I talked my sister into joining me and making the trip to our home town to meet us as well. What resulted was an evening of spontaneous laughter that had us all wiping our eyes from the crying and holding our sides from splitting. I haven't laughed that hard in a long while. It was a prelude to the evening where later I was to attend another friend's birthday gathering. That, too was incredibly special. I was able to share time with my very dear friend, her very funny husband and some of her good friends and felt right at home singing, dancing and reminiscing.
Today, when I returned home to my husband and sons, I felt a spring in my step for having been rejuvenated. It was good for my soul to be in such great company, share some great memories and celebrate the milestones we've achieved. I missed my husband and sons but it was nice to get a glimpse of the old me as well. She needs to get out once in a while so that she can recharge the now me to be what I need to be for my family.
It's important to honor your needs in this way. Laughter is curative and everyone around you benefits. It's contagious!
This week, try to connect with someone you haven't had the opportunity to see in a while and schedule time on your calendar before the holidays descend upon us or incorporate them into your holiday plans. Your soul will appreciate it and so will you and everyone else!
Have a great week!!
~Andrea
Today, when I returned home to my husband and sons, I felt a spring in my step for having been rejuvenated. It was good for my soul to be in such great company, share some great memories and celebrate the milestones we've achieved. I missed my husband and sons but it was nice to get a glimpse of the old me as well. She needs to get out once in a while so that she can recharge the now me to be what I need to be for my family.
It's important to honor your needs in this way. Laughter is curative and everyone around you benefits. It's contagious!
This week, try to connect with someone you haven't had the opportunity to see in a while and schedule time on your calendar before the holidays descend upon us or incorporate them into your holiday plans. Your soul will appreciate it and so will you and everyone else!
Have a great week!!
~Andrea
Sunday, November 7, 2010
What kind of life will you author?
I have been having some interesting talks with some folks lately about goals and strategizing. We have been talking about really getting in touch with yourself, your dreams, goals and essentially creating a vision.
Unless we are clear about where we want to go and create a map to get there, we kind of wander aimlessly. We become interested in many things and may even believe we can achieve them all without really sitting down to carve out the steps to achieve them.
If you're single and wanting to be in a relationship, what is it you want in a relationship? If you're in a geographic location not to your liking, what does your ideal one look like? What is your ideal job? Are you physically inactive but want to be fit? What kind of exercise do you like? What is the state of your family life and how does that look against what you want for your family?
The most important thing to remember about authoring a life is that you need to take time to write down your goals, you need to commit to them and you need to spend time.
This week I challenge you to look at all of the areas in your life and start to create a road map. Write down specific goals and dates for achievement. You don't need to complete it this week, just start it and continue to work on it with dedication in order to execute. We're all amazing writers of our own destiny!
Have a great week!
~Andrea
Unless we are clear about where we want to go and create a map to get there, we kind of wander aimlessly. We become interested in many things and may even believe we can achieve them all without really sitting down to carve out the steps to achieve them.
If you're single and wanting to be in a relationship, what is it you want in a relationship? If you're in a geographic location not to your liking, what does your ideal one look like? What is your ideal job? Are you physically inactive but want to be fit? What kind of exercise do you like? What is the state of your family life and how does that look against what you want for your family?
The most important thing to remember about authoring a life is that you need to take time to write down your goals, you need to commit to them and you need to spend time.
This week I challenge you to look at all of the areas in your life and start to create a road map. Write down specific goals and dates for achievement. You don't need to complete it this week, just start it and continue to work on it with dedication in order to execute. We're all amazing writers of our own destiny!
Have a great week!
~Andrea
Tuesday, October 26, 2010
Living In Between....
Living in between is a theme that keeps coming up this week. There's no wonder they call kids 10-12 'tweens. They're not little and they're not teens. They're stuck in between. Our culture doesn't accept childlike behavior but doesn't give them the privileges of teenagers. It's a hard stage and I never hear anyone saying they want to go back to middle school!
Development across the lifespan finds us often living in between for developmental reasons but in reality, it's also a reflection of attitude. We get stuck in deciding to stay home with the kids or to work, to stay married or separate, to change jobs or stay in the same one out of fear.
All of the above comes down to deciding. While we are taking the time wanting things the way we think they should be, we are resentful, even angry about our current circumstance. Think of all of the life 'in between' that we are missing out on living! The key to getting out of in between is to decide to accept where we are and enjoy the perks of just being content. When we project what we think should be or what we want versus just working with where we are, a lot of living can start.
This week, lose the in between attitude. Decide if you're home with your children to be present to them or go back to work. If you're unhappy at a job, take a step. If your marriage or relationship is at a stalemate, what action will you take to feel empowered to move it forward? Most of all, be gentle with yourself and the process. Living in the present is the greatest gift we can give ourselves. Enjoy!
Have a great week!
Warmly,
Andrea
Development across the lifespan finds us often living in between for developmental reasons but in reality, it's also a reflection of attitude. We get stuck in deciding to stay home with the kids or to work, to stay married or separate, to change jobs or stay in the same one out of fear.
All of the above comes down to deciding. While we are taking the time wanting things the way we think they should be, we are resentful, even angry about our current circumstance. Think of all of the life 'in between' that we are missing out on living! The key to getting out of in between is to decide to accept where we are and enjoy the perks of just being content. When we project what we think should be or what we want versus just working with where we are, a lot of living can start.
This week, lose the in between attitude. Decide if you're home with your children to be present to them or go back to work. If you're unhappy at a job, take a step. If your marriage or relationship is at a stalemate, what action will you take to feel empowered to move it forward? Most of all, be gentle with yourself and the process. Living in the present is the greatest gift we can give ourselves. Enjoy!
Have a great week!
Warmly,
Andrea
Sunday, October 17, 2010
Your Message is the Medium....
It's amazing when I experience my son say something in a tone that I feel is not nice. I know how I feel when I hear it and then I realize - this is learned. He heard it right here! Oh my gosh! It made me think that at times I may get frustrated and show this in my tone with my son, but may be able to refrain in other circumstances. Just because kids are kids does not mean they need to be spoken to in a tone that isn't nice. (Unless the situation warrants voicing frustration or danger or the like - but respectfully. Let's face it, we are human and get frustrated).
I recall in a training, discussing that our face is not our own. It's what we project to everyone else. Despite our lack of awareness, it is saying everything we are not verbalizing and further explaining what we are. We may want to verbally convey genuineness but when our face and our bodies don't match, the message it's skewed.
This is a puzzle in relationships. We have to start to train ourselves to decode the meta messages (tone, facial expressions, body language). What is it that the other party really means? How can I convey what I'd like to say truthfully, gracefully and respectfully?
We can start with awareness. My son is like a little mirror and if he's speaking in a certain way he's heard it at home or somewhere. He reminds me that my words and behavior have to match and be respectful (- a pet peeve of mine as a therapist but how could I drop the ball with my son? Hmmmmm.....).
Being mindful that 90 percent of communication lies in what we don't say is a huge lesson in cultivating awareness. We need to train our bodies and our speech to be seamless so there is no room for misinterpretation. We also have to learn to speak up and ask questions if we are not sure about what was intended. Remember in school when the teacher said "there is no such thing as a dumb question"? The same applies here. If you need clarification in relationships, at work or in any circumstance, ask respectfully conveying that true understanding is your goal.
You'll be amazed at how smooth things can actually be:-)
Have a great week!
Warmly,
-Andrea
I recall in a training, discussing that our face is not our own. It's what we project to everyone else. Despite our lack of awareness, it is saying everything we are not verbalizing and further explaining what we are. We may want to verbally convey genuineness but when our face and our bodies don't match, the message it's skewed.
This is a puzzle in relationships. We have to start to train ourselves to decode the meta messages (tone, facial expressions, body language). What is it that the other party really means? How can I convey what I'd like to say truthfully, gracefully and respectfully?
We can start with awareness. My son is like a little mirror and if he's speaking in a certain way he's heard it at home or somewhere. He reminds me that my words and behavior have to match and be respectful (- a pet peeve of mine as a therapist but how could I drop the ball with my son? Hmmmmm.....).
Being mindful that 90 percent of communication lies in what we don't say is a huge lesson in cultivating awareness. We need to train our bodies and our speech to be seamless so there is no room for misinterpretation. We also have to learn to speak up and ask questions if we are not sure about what was intended. Remember in school when the teacher said "there is no such thing as a dumb question"? The same applies here. If you need clarification in relationships, at work or in any circumstance, ask respectfully conveying that true understanding is your goal.
You'll be amazed at how smooth things can actually be:-)
Have a great week!
Warmly,
-Andrea
Monday, October 4, 2010
Authenticity
We travel an amazing journey as we progress in our lives. We go from total dependence on our parents, to some connecting with our peers to advancing our academics and at the same time our personality and our talents come into bloom. If you ever watch kids they can go about things with wreckless abandon and have the courage to go to school with five different colors, none of which match, and shoes of even a different color and they step inside completely confident with what they've picked out to wear for the day. They don't yet get caught up in what other people think. They just are.
It's sad to think that we spend our whole lives trying to get back to the way we start out - just being ourselves. As we grow and mature we start to squash part of ourselves in order to fit in or to conform. We want so much to belong. We become less honest with ourselves and with others and soon we are keeping secrets and only revealing tidbits of ourselves to people instead of allowing them to know our whole selves. It becomes exhausting trying to manage who knows what part of us and with whom we can let our guard down.
When we're truly integrated with ourselves, we are not afraid for anyone to know us totally, much luck children let it all hang out. Isn't is amazing to think that we have this knowledge as kids but we spend a lifetime trying to learn it as we grow? We all have challenging stages to endure but in the long run, if we have open hearts and minds we'll be able to be honest with ourselves and anyone who crosses our path.
This week I am giving you permission to let go of the secrets. Be yourself and take the risk. The truth is if what you're hiding from someone is something that they can't accept about you then the relationship wasn't really a relationship anyway. Seek truly authentic relationships and then you'll discover what you've been missing all along.
Stop by for a dose of courage of you need to this week!
Warmly,
Andrea
It's sad to think that we spend our whole lives trying to get back to the way we start out - just being ourselves. As we grow and mature we start to squash part of ourselves in order to fit in or to conform. We want so much to belong. We become less honest with ourselves and with others and soon we are keeping secrets and only revealing tidbits of ourselves to people instead of allowing them to know our whole selves. It becomes exhausting trying to manage who knows what part of us and with whom we can let our guard down.
When we're truly integrated with ourselves, we are not afraid for anyone to know us totally, much luck children let it all hang out. Isn't is amazing to think that we have this knowledge as kids but we spend a lifetime trying to learn it as we grow? We all have challenging stages to endure but in the long run, if we have open hearts and minds we'll be able to be honest with ourselves and anyone who crosses our path.
This week I am giving you permission to let go of the secrets. Be yourself and take the risk. The truth is if what you're hiding from someone is something that they can't accept about you then the relationship wasn't really a relationship anyway. Seek truly authentic relationships and then you'll discover what you've been missing all along.
Stop by for a dose of courage of you need to this week!
Warmly,
Andrea
Sunday, September 26, 2010
What is Your Love Language?
I often refer people to Dr. Gary Chapman's books (especially the Five Love Languages) to find out what their love language is. It's been useful for couples and for parents to know what their language is and that of their spouse and children. I had a light bulb moment when I was discussing the book with a client.
I was sharing that I had had a difficult road block with an individual who was involved in a business relationship with my husband and I. This individual was really pushing an agenda that was exceptionally aggressive (especially in light of my husband just having lost his mom) and it was difficult to communicate due to their schedule and ours but also due to the fact that conversation was challenging. We could not communicate effectively and we were always feeling 'spoken to' and not heard. We were asking for the person to be 'present' and truly 'hear' and not just listen while multi- tasking or preparing a response before we were able to present our position clearly.
It dawned on me that the Love Languages apply not only to couples and children but to anyone in relationship of any kind. My husband and I started to re-think how to effectively get our message across in a polite way and present our position and needs.
My language is quality time and nothing insults folks similar to me like not being listened to - it cuts like a knife. I started to contemplate what the other person's language might be and it dawned on me that this is important information for everyone to know. We are all trying to achieve common goals at times and if we knew how to communicate to one another in a way that we could be heard, wow, what a difference it would be.
Most of communication lies in listening. We are so caught up in multi-tasking that we fail to be truly present to one another. We may listen but we don't necessarily hear the content. I encourage you to take the assessment online and encourage your partner, children and friends to do the same and share your results (www.5lovelanguages.com).
Do yourself and everyone a favor this week...be present.
Have a great week!
-Andrea
I was sharing that I had had a difficult road block with an individual who was involved in a business relationship with my husband and I. This individual was really pushing an agenda that was exceptionally aggressive (especially in light of my husband just having lost his mom) and it was difficult to communicate due to their schedule and ours but also due to the fact that conversation was challenging. We could not communicate effectively and we were always feeling 'spoken to' and not heard. We were asking for the person to be 'present' and truly 'hear' and not just listen while multi- tasking or preparing a response before we were able to present our position clearly.
It dawned on me that the Love Languages apply not only to couples and children but to anyone in relationship of any kind. My husband and I started to re-think how to effectively get our message across in a polite way and present our position and needs.
My language is quality time and nothing insults folks similar to me like not being listened to - it cuts like a knife. I started to contemplate what the other person's language might be and it dawned on me that this is important information for everyone to know. We are all trying to achieve common goals at times and if we knew how to communicate to one another in a way that we could be heard, wow, what a difference it would be.
Most of communication lies in listening. We are so caught up in multi-tasking that we fail to be truly present to one another. We may listen but we don't necessarily hear the content. I encourage you to take the assessment online and encourage your partner, children and friends to do the same and share your results (www.5lovelanguages.com).
Do yourself and everyone a favor this week...be present.
Have a great week!
-Andrea
Sunday, September 12, 2010
Are you ready for some football?
I can almost hear the commercials...and Terry Bradshaw and Jimmy Johnson cracking the jokes. It's not just football time, it's back to school, back to routine, back to making time to make some changes.
Seasonal changes are funny for folks. The coming of fall welcomes structure and addressing the things we've been putting off whether it's yard work, getting back to the job search (if you're a recent grad or like so many others who have been laid off over the summer)or starting a fitness regimen or tackling some other personal goals.
Whenever we start something new it's always better to have someone to share the journey with who can hold us accountable. A change in season can be challenging for folks who lose momentum as a result. How do you stay in action?
It's always good to do what you can to fill your reserves before trying to address change. Line up your support system and if you don't have one, your challenge can start with creating one either online or in your community. Be a volunteer and become a part of something. Explore an interest or pursue people who are doing what you would love to do and ask them about their journey in getting there.
Most importantly, don't be afraid to take a step in some direction, even if things don't work out. The important thing is that you actually decide to put energy in motion.
Feel free to stop by periodically for the support you need! Make it a great week!
-Andrea
Seasonal changes are funny for folks. The coming of fall welcomes structure and addressing the things we've been putting off whether it's yard work, getting back to the job search (if you're a recent grad or like so many others who have been laid off over the summer)or starting a fitness regimen or tackling some other personal goals.
Whenever we start something new it's always better to have someone to share the journey with who can hold us accountable. A change in season can be challenging for folks who lose momentum as a result. How do you stay in action?
It's always good to do what you can to fill your reserves before trying to address change. Line up your support system and if you don't have one, your challenge can start with creating one either online or in your community. Be a volunteer and become a part of something. Explore an interest or pursue people who are doing what you would love to do and ask them about their journey in getting there.
Most importantly, don't be afraid to take a step in some direction, even if things don't work out. The important thing is that you actually decide to put energy in motion.
Feel free to stop by periodically for the support you need! Make it a great week!
-Andrea
Monday, September 6, 2010
Making Memories
My family and I had the opportunity to travel to New Hampshire this weekend to attend a family wedding. In light of my mother-in-law's recent passing, attendance was important for my husband to be around family. I wasn't happy about the trek, especially since my oldest son had been sick just a day or two prior to our scheduled departure. When he gets sick, he's really sick and it usually takes him longer to kick something. The idea of making him travel so many hours in a car was not comforting.
A scheduled trip to the doctor confirmed he was ok at present and there was no reason he couldn't make the trip. Call it mom knowing best but I still was not confident when trying to make a decision with my husband about who should attend. Should we all still go? Should I stay behind with the kids? My husband made it clear that he really wanted us to go together. Under normal circumstances, I'd be fine. Afterall, I loved this side of his family and knew it would be a lot of fun. My babies are a different story though.
We braved the roads on Friday evening and much to our surprise, traffic was fine and moving. All was well except for the baby who was crying and awake for several hours. Despite our best efforts to entertain, feed and change him, we were not successful. Exhausted, we arrived at our destination at 12:45 am reassured once again, that our infant son does not like to travel. He still wouldn't go to bed once we were getting settled and once he did, he only slept for about 2 or 3 hours.
We managed to get to the ceremony, albeit late. We made it to the reception and the older one was having a blast, the little guy was looking tired. He eventually fell asleep. Whew! One down. Only one to chase! We made it through dinner and all of the sudden the little one woke up and was crying and burning up with fever. I took both boys back to the hotel and we no sooner were under way when the little guy started vomiting after I had made a stop at a drug store for some fever medicine.
I saw this coming! I was bummed that I had made them travel. My oldest still looked so run down even though he was having fun. My little one was so sick and just wanted to lay down on my chest and not move. I settled them into bed and snuggled with them both. My husband stayed behind at the wedding. I wanted him to be there. I am not going to say I was thrilled, but it was the right thing to do.
In the morning, everyone was fine. No fevers, no vomiting. We attended a picnic at my husband's uncle's house where the bride and groom and more family were gathering. It was great to see my oldest son running and playing with other kids and the baby was gaining adoring fans with each smile. My husband was thankful and so were his uncle, aunt and cousins that we were able to stick it out despite the circumstances.
We started our way back home and stopped off in North Jersey to see my sister (who graciously fed us) and to stretch and change the kids into pajamas. In the end, it was all worth it. It meant so much to everyone and we all got to enjoy being together. I am sure my oldest son will have fond memories of it all. He doesn't seem to forget anything. We have to keep on keeping on and sometimes it's hard with little ones, but in the process, we're carving out our family tapestry and it will be beautiful, even with some not so perfect pieces.
It was labor well worth it for this holiday weekend!
Happy September!
-Andrea
A scheduled trip to the doctor confirmed he was ok at present and there was no reason he couldn't make the trip. Call it mom knowing best but I still was not confident when trying to make a decision with my husband about who should attend. Should we all still go? Should I stay behind with the kids? My husband made it clear that he really wanted us to go together. Under normal circumstances, I'd be fine. Afterall, I loved this side of his family and knew it would be a lot of fun. My babies are a different story though.
We braved the roads on Friday evening and much to our surprise, traffic was fine and moving. All was well except for the baby who was crying and awake for several hours. Despite our best efforts to entertain, feed and change him, we were not successful. Exhausted, we arrived at our destination at 12:45 am reassured once again, that our infant son does not like to travel. He still wouldn't go to bed once we were getting settled and once he did, he only slept for about 2 or 3 hours.
We managed to get to the ceremony, albeit late. We made it to the reception and the older one was having a blast, the little guy was looking tired. He eventually fell asleep. Whew! One down. Only one to chase! We made it through dinner and all of the sudden the little one woke up and was crying and burning up with fever. I took both boys back to the hotel and we no sooner were under way when the little guy started vomiting after I had made a stop at a drug store for some fever medicine.
I saw this coming! I was bummed that I had made them travel. My oldest still looked so run down even though he was having fun. My little one was so sick and just wanted to lay down on my chest and not move. I settled them into bed and snuggled with them both. My husband stayed behind at the wedding. I wanted him to be there. I am not going to say I was thrilled, but it was the right thing to do.
In the morning, everyone was fine. No fevers, no vomiting. We attended a picnic at my husband's uncle's house where the bride and groom and more family were gathering. It was great to see my oldest son running and playing with other kids and the baby was gaining adoring fans with each smile. My husband was thankful and so were his uncle, aunt and cousins that we were able to stick it out despite the circumstances.
We started our way back home and stopped off in North Jersey to see my sister (who graciously fed us) and to stretch and change the kids into pajamas. In the end, it was all worth it. It meant so much to everyone and we all got to enjoy being together. I am sure my oldest son will have fond memories of it all. He doesn't seem to forget anything. We have to keep on keeping on and sometimes it's hard with little ones, but in the process, we're carving out our family tapestry and it will be beautiful, even with some not so perfect pieces.
It was labor well worth it for this holiday weekend!
Happy September!
-Andrea
Sunday, August 29, 2010
Are you ready?
I've missed a week of posting. It's been a difficult time for my family and extended family as we tended to my mother-in-law who passed away on August 19. She fought a heroic battle against cancer. She died the way she lived. She pushed through and did what she needed to accomplish and served her God and her family until the end. Her pastor came to pray with her in the hospital and when he was through she asked
" Am I ready"? He replied,"yes, you are ready". Prior to that she asked her daughter just a day or two before if she had finished writing all of her thank you notes to people who prayed for her, and supported her in any way. Her daughter assured her that she had.
If you've ever suffered the loss of a loved one, you know well that the death itself is only the beginning. There is a long road ahead to healing. I've mentioned before that our culture doesn't really have any language or at times proper protocol as to what to do or how to act whether we're family, friend or neighbor.
There is the immediate pain of the loss, the domino effect on the family who tries to support one another but who can't successfully lean on one other, because should they lean too hard, the next one will fall and the rest will follow. There is the overwhelming administrative side of grief - taking care of the business of death (writing sympathy acknowledgments, closing accounts, settling debts, tending to the estate, etc).
Grief can bring out the best or the worst in people. Some may hover in hope of acquiring some material item that they've coveted and others will instinctively know how to walk the grievers through their minutes and days.
Grief can come on like a tidal wave and it's unpredictable. In hopes of improving my own skill set in this area a while back I acquired a book called " Don't Ask for the Dead Guy's Golf Clubs". It's a book of things that grievers found helpful that people did for them or that they wished people had done.
I continue to learn through my husband and his family how to best serve he and his family based on their cues and needs. Everyone is different and I am certainly not the expert on their grief patterns. Grievers are their own experts.
You never know who is carrying a tremendous load. There are friends, neighbors, co-workers and people we may barely know who cross our paths who may be suffering deeply. Our society encourages us to shy away from pain and discomfort. The truth is, we need one another and we need to allow people to lean when their normal foundation is shaken to the core. It's why we are here. It's why we care. Society encourages us to stuff it and return to regular routine function and so, broken, we do our best.
I've mentioned before about taking a look at our core values. The way we spend our time is the clearest indicator (our discussions, our work, our friendships, etc) of our core. Is yours based on what is popular or is it based on something more?
In my field we are called to be role models. I am still a work in progress but I am glad to have been able to be complete with my mother-in-law and to thank her for raising such a wonderful son who is such a great husband and father. We were able to have a wonderful week's vacation at the beach with she and the rest of the family and although she wasn't the expressive type, I really wanted her to know that because she was born my life has been enriched by the family she created.
She was truly ready. How ready are the rest of us?
Treasure each moment and make it a great week.
Warmly,
-Andrea
" Am I ready"? He replied,"yes, you are ready". Prior to that she asked her daughter just a day or two before if she had finished writing all of her thank you notes to people who prayed for her, and supported her in any way. Her daughter assured her that she had.
If you've ever suffered the loss of a loved one, you know well that the death itself is only the beginning. There is a long road ahead to healing. I've mentioned before that our culture doesn't really have any language or at times proper protocol as to what to do or how to act whether we're family, friend or neighbor.
There is the immediate pain of the loss, the domino effect on the family who tries to support one another but who can't successfully lean on one other, because should they lean too hard, the next one will fall and the rest will follow. There is the overwhelming administrative side of grief - taking care of the business of death (writing sympathy acknowledgments, closing accounts, settling debts, tending to the estate, etc).
Grief can bring out the best or the worst in people. Some may hover in hope of acquiring some material item that they've coveted and others will instinctively know how to walk the grievers through their minutes and days.
Grief can come on like a tidal wave and it's unpredictable. In hopes of improving my own skill set in this area a while back I acquired a book called " Don't Ask for the Dead Guy's Golf Clubs". It's a book of things that grievers found helpful that people did for them or that they wished people had done.
I continue to learn through my husband and his family how to best serve he and his family based on their cues and needs. Everyone is different and I am certainly not the expert on their grief patterns. Grievers are their own experts.
You never know who is carrying a tremendous load. There are friends, neighbors, co-workers and people we may barely know who cross our paths who may be suffering deeply. Our society encourages us to shy away from pain and discomfort. The truth is, we need one another and we need to allow people to lean when their normal foundation is shaken to the core. It's why we are here. It's why we care. Society encourages us to stuff it and return to regular routine function and so, broken, we do our best.
I've mentioned before about taking a look at our core values. The way we spend our time is the clearest indicator (our discussions, our work, our friendships, etc) of our core. Is yours based on what is popular or is it based on something more?
In my field we are called to be role models. I am still a work in progress but I am glad to have been able to be complete with my mother-in-law and to thank her for raising such a wonderful son who is such a great husband and father. We were able to have a wonderful week's vacation at the beach with she and the rest of the family and although she wasn't the expressive type, I really wanted her to know that because she was born my life has been enriched by the family she created.
She was truly ready. How ready are the rest of us?
Treasure each moment and make it a great week.
Warmly,
-Andrea
Sunday, August 15, 2010
Trusting your instincts....
Science even supports trusting your instincts. When a situation presents itself and you find yourself unsure of what to do, what do you do? How do you finally arrive at a decision?
I remember participating in a mindful decision making exercise where we had to draw a decision making tree to decipher how we came to a peaceful resolution to questions presented to us. It was interesting for me to note the patterns that I followed. In all honesty, I like to gather data (I am a list person) and make an informed decision based on information and my instincts.
There are times when we have to make a decision and we don't have a lot of data or a lot of time. Parents would be lost without instinct - it's what goes beyond doctors and child specialists. Parents know their children and can sense danger when it's present and try to be vigilant for the insidious dangers that are more difficult to identify. How do they do it? How does anyone do it? Even animals do it.
It's important to pay attention to our bodies when a situation presents and we are mandated to respond. Our first response is often a correct response. It feels right. Oftentimes our body manifests data for us by producing a physical response - goose bumps, a quick stomach ache, chills etc. Every time I have not acted on my instincts, I have been wrong. Our bodies and minds are carefully connected to help us. All we have to do is tune in!
This week, start paying attention. You'll be glad you did!
Have a great week!
-Andrea
I remember participating in a mindful decision making exercise where we had to draw a decision making tree to decipher how we came to a peaceful resolution to questions presented to us. It was interesting for me to note the patterns that I followed. In all honesty, I like to gather data (I am a list person) and make an informed decision based on information and my instincts.
There are times when we have to make a decision and we don't have a lot of data or a lot of time. Parents would be lost without instinct - it's what goes beyond doctors and child specialists. Parents know their children and can sense danger when it's present and try to be vigilant for the insidious dangers that are more difficult to identify. How do they do it? How does anyone do it? Even animals do it.
It's important to pay attention to our bodies when a situation presents and we are mandated to respond. Our first response is often a correct response. It feels right. Oftentimes our body manifests data for us by producing a physical response - goose bumps, a quick stomach ache, chills etc. Every time I have not acted on my instincts, I have been wrong. Our bodies and minds are carefully connected to help us. All we have to do is tune in!
This week, start paying attention. You'll be glad you did!
Have a great week!
-Andrea
Sunday, August 8, 2010
Being Complete…..surrendering….
I seem to be hearing more and more stories of people having serious, terminal illnesses and have also been in touch with friends who are still recovering from the death of a spouse due to serious illness. It really reminds me of how fleeting this life is for all of us. All the more reason we need to be complete with one another.
Years ago I attended the Grief Recovery Institute. It was there, after enduring several losses in a brief amount of time, that I learned one of the greatest lessons of my life to date. Loss can be identified in so many ways, not just via death. It can look different for everyone yet we have no appropriate/accurate language that we can offer someone who is grieving. Losses of relationships, jobs, miscarriages, moving, what could have been, these are all grief events.
My biggest take away from this experience was learning to surrender the hurt especially when you are not able to get closure with it. This is most difficult. I am a communicator. I like to be sure I am on good terms with people. If I experience a misunderstanding, I will go to the person and try my hardest to make it right. When I am not able and the situation no longer allows it, I rest knowing I have given my best effort and that I will have to let the situation be. In this I learned that we need to be complete with one another. My work as a crisis counselor is an ever clear reminder that tragedy does not discriminate. It is a reminder every day to try to leave nothing unsaid. I try to give out all of my compliments daily and mend anything with everyone. Am I always successful? No. But in reality, in the big picture, is what we are holding on to so important that if the person we are in conflict with were taken from us, we’d feel ok with the terms on which we left?
This week review your relationships. Pick up the phone if you need to and surrender your pride. You’ll feel lighter the rest of the day!!
Peace,
-Andrea
Years ago I attended the Grief Recovery Institute. It was there, after enduring several losses in a brief amount of time, that I learned one of the greatest lessons of my life to date. Loss can be identified in so many ways, not just via death. It can look different for everyone yet we have no appropriate/accurate language that we can offer someone who is grieving. Losses of relationships, jobs, miscarriages, moving, what could have been, these are all grief events.
My biggest take away from this experience was learning to surrender the hurt especially when you are not able to get closure with it. This is most difficult. I am a communicator. I like to be sure I am on good terms with people. If I experience a misunderstanding, I will go to the person and try my hardest to make it right. When I am not able and the situation no longer allows it, I rest knowing I have given my best effort and that I will have to let the situation be. In this I learned that we need to be complete with one another. My work as a crisis counselor is an ever clear reminder that tragedy does not discriminate. It is a reminder every day to try to leave nothing unsaid. I try to give out all of my compliments daily and mend anything with everyone. Am I always successful? No. But in reality, in the big picture, is what we are holding on to so important that if the person we are in conflict with were taken from us, we’d feel ok with the terms on which we left?
This week review your relationships. Pick up the phone if you need to and surrender your pride. You’ll feel lighter the rest of the day!!
Peace,
-Andrea
Wednesday, August 4, 2010
Weebles Wobble
It's amazing how we can weather storms. I like to call them 'frontal systems' when they seem to hang on for long periods of time. When the ride is particularly rocky, what gets you through? How do you get your land legs again?
I love that weebles wobble but they don't fall down. I refer to that saying often to get myself through tough times and also to encourage my friends when they need it. Life is guaranteed to be hard sometimes. What does your history say about how you will handle the wake? Do you need some re-tooling? What's in your emergency kit when your boat starts to list? Faith? Family? Friends?
This week, be sure you check your bag. If necessary make a list of what you need to discard and reassess your needs. The best offense against an emergency is preparedness. Don't let history repeat itself if it wasn't successful the first time.
Be well,
Andrea
I love that weebles wobble but they don't fall down. I refer to that saying often to get myself through tough times and also to encourage my friends when they need it. Life is guaranteed to be hard sometimes. What does your history say about how you will handle the wake? Do you need some re-tooling? What's in your emergency kit when your boat starts to list? Faith? Family? Friends?
This week, be sure you check your bag. If necessary make a list of what you need to discard and reassess your needs. The best offense against an emergency is preparedness. Don't let history repeat itself if it wasn't successful the first time.
Be well,
Andrea
Sunday, July 25, 2010
Perspectives....
I've had some great discussions this week about perspectives. If we listen to our head we can create a totally different reality if we're willing to listen. A friend of mine e-mailed me a thought provoking, funny story about the way she reviewed a situation versus how a dear friend may have viewed it.
The story was around a day out at the movies with her 3 small children. The youngest, 2 is not quite at movie age but she was going to give it a go. Despite several challenges (forgetting her wallet, several trips to the potty and the two year old having a blow out of her diaper AND getting her unexpected monthly visit from Mother Nature and not being prepared)she made it through the whole movie and headed home thinking...'that went well. We made it through the movie, the kids enjoyed it and hey, we're on our way home'.
She had a visit from a friend who was expressing concern about her husband's upcoming business travel that would have him away from home for a longer time than she was used to and she had limited resources. She asked my friend how she managed the kids' behavior in public and expressed having increased anxiety at having to do it without her husband on whom she was very dependent. My friend explained how she tells the kids what to expect as far as behavior, what's on the agenda and being firm about discipline and following through. Her day at the movies was a zoo but reviewing it further, it was just a typical day out. Often times we view situations based on our own experience and draw incorrect conclusions. My friend wasn't claiming to be a parenting expert, she was just managing how she could. Her friend often admired her for being able to juggle the many challenges that accompany parenthood so well. My friend wasn't indicating that the outing was easy, but in her mind, it was successful - she made it through the movie.
It's funny, we can be in the same situation and everyone will draw their own conclusions about it based on their own perspectives (or past hurts/history) and may or may not draw the same conclusions or even the correct ones.
Comparisons are tricky. Before drawing an incorrect conclusion, check in with yourself and see if your reaction is rational, check your data and get feedback from an objective party if necessary. What you see is not always what is valid. Most of all, be kind to yourself.
Have a great week!
~Andrea
The story was around a day out at the movies with her 3 small children. The youngest, 2 is not quite at movie age but she was going to give it a go. Despite several challenges (forgetting her wallet, several trips to the potty and the two year old having a blow out of her diaper AND getting her unexpected monthly visit from Mother Nature and not being prepared)she made it through the whole movie and headed home thinking...'that went well. We made it through the movie, the kids enjoyed it and hey, we're on our way home'.
She had a visit from a friend who was expressing concern about her husband's upcoming business travel that would have him away from home for a longer time than she was used to and she had limited resources. She asked my friend how she managed the kids' behavior in public and expressed having increased anxiety at having to do it without her husband on whom she was very dependent. My friend explained how she tells the kids what to expect as far as behavior, what's on the agenda and being firm about discipline and following through. Her day at the movies was a zoo but reviewing it further, it was just a typical day out. Often times we view situations based on our own experience and draw incorrect conclusions. My friend wasn't claiming to be a parenting expert, she was just managing how she could. Her friend often admired her for being able to juggle the many challenges that accompany parenthood so well. My friend wasn't indicating that the outing was easy, but in her mind, it was successful - she made it through the movie.
It's funny, we can be in the same situation and everyone will draw their own conclusions about it based on their own perspectives (or past hurts/history) and may or may not draw the same conclusions or even the correct ones.
Comparisons are tricky. Before drawing an incorrect conclusion, check in with yourself and see if your reaction is rational, check your data and get feedback from an objective party if necessary. What you see is not always what is valid. Most of all, be kind to yourself.
Have a great week!
~Andrea
Tuesday, July 20, 2010
Creating your legacy
Each day we create a piece of our legacy. We make lists, plans, goals and celebrate achievements already attained. What do our lists look like? What do they say about our legacy? What kind of mark do we want to leave on our families, our work place, our faith communities?
What's the mark you are currently making and do your lists, goals and plans come in line with the impact you want to make? This week do a quick review. There's no time like the present!
Be well,
Andrea
What's the mark you are currently making and do your lists, goals and plans come in line with the impact you want to make? This week do a quick review. There's no time like the present!
Be well,
Andrea
Tuesday, July 13, 2010
Moving Forward
I am actually late for the first time in making my weekly post. I have two sick children who have demanded my attention and my awakeness, so sleep and blogging had to be delayed!
Moving forward keeps coming to mind for me this week. I am working myself on some personal transformations and I am a big fan of evaluating my life and my relationships based on my goals and quality of life that reflect my core values. It's interesting to take a snapshot of my life now and compare it to some from even 5, 10 or more years ago. My priorities have changed dramatically for developmental reasons but also assuredly for wanting to create a life reflecting my values.
I have had some great opportunities to connect with a few wonderful friends from my past recently. Some have remained in my life just in a more limited way and others, well hey it was just fantastic to reminisce about some silliness and even challenges we shared back in the day. We may not be as much a part of each other's lives in the present, but at a time we were.
I couldn't help but smile for having had these great interactions and also reflect on my life then and now. I remember when I was a kid a friend of mine's mom had a quote in her kitchen that read make new friends, the old ones keep as silver the new ones as gold. I never understood that quote and am still sorting it out. I think in discerning more about it we relish all of our friends but the ones in our present we focus on more because of several factors: proximity, things in common, our values etc. The others may not be a part of our daily lives but they helped us in our journey to the present. As we continue to evolve and be clear about who we are and get comfortable in our skin, we can continue to evolve and seek out those who truly reflect our core and who can challenge us in the ways we most need - socially, emotionally and spiritually.
This week's challenge:
Take stock of your core values and identify 5
Evaluate your relationships and even the work you do and see if they reflect your core values and think about making any adjustments if necessary.
Warmly,
Andrea
Moving forward keeps coming to mind for me this week. I am working myself on some personal transformations and I am a big fan of evaluating my life and my relationships based on my goals and quality of life that reflect my core values. It's interesting to take a snapshot of my life now and compare it to some from even 5, 10 or more years ago. My priorities have changed dramatically for developmental reasons but also assuredly for wanting to create a life reflecting my values.
I have had some great opportunities to connect with a few wonderful friends from my past recently. Some have remained in my life just in a more limited way and others, well hey it was just fantastic to reminisce about some silliness and even challenges we shared back in the day. We may not be as much a part of each other's lives in the present, but at a time we were.
I couldn't help but smile for having had these great interactions and also reflect on my life then and now. I remember when I was a kid a friend of mine's mom had a quote in her kitchen that read make new friends, the old ones keep as silver the new ones as gold. I never understood that quote and am still sorting it out. I think in discerning more about it we relish all of our friends but the ones in our present we focus on more because of several factors: proximity, things in common, our values etc. The others may not be a part of our daily lives but they helped us in our journey to the present. As we continue to evolve and be clear about who we are and get comfortable in our skin, we can continue to evolve and seek out those who truly reflect our core and who can challenge us in the ways we most need - socially, emotionally and spiritually.
This week's challenge:
Take stock of your core values and identify 5
Evaluate your relationships and even the work you do and see if they reflect your core values and think about making any adjustments if necessary.
Warmly,
Andrea
Sunday, July 4, 2010
Back to basics...good old fashioned fun
Happy 4th of July! Thanks to all of those serving abroad and their families and to those who have served in the past. We enjoy so many blessings because of your sacrifice.
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The past week has been a celebration of birthdays, fun at the beach and barbecues. There is one good thing about these economic times. It seems to bring everyone around to being more content with less.
We enjoyed simple, last minute no hassle gatherings with family and friends and braved the traffic headed to the beach. At first we thought we were crazy to travel on a holiday weekend but we enjoyed just being together making memories and singing to the songs on the radio while waiting out the traffic.
Elaborate budgets aren't needed to just be together. I am a firm believer in quality versus quantity. Truly being present to one another is priceless. It's a challenge with so many distractions but if you peel the onion back, if you cover the basics only, you will have accomplished all you need to.
This week take time to reflect on your calendar and consider what are the musts and consider scaling back. When you take some time to nurture your spirit, you will actually accomplish more with less and more easily. Most importantly, there will be more room in your schedule for some plain old fun!
Enjoy!
Warmly,
Andrea
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The past week has been a celebration of birthdays, fun at the beach and barbecues. There is one good thing about these economic times. It seems to bring everyone around to being more content with less.
We enjoyed simple, last minute no hassle gatherings with family and friends and braved the traffic headed to the beach. At first we thought we were crazy to travel on a holiday weekend but we enjoyed just being together making memories and singing to the songs on the radio while waiting out the traffic.
Elaborate budgets aren't needed to just be together. I am a firm believer in quality versus quantity. Truly being present to one another is priceless. It's a challenge with so many distractions but if you peel the onion back, if you cover the basics only, you will have accomplished all you need to.
This week take time to reflect on your calendar and consider what are the musts and consider scaling back. When you take some time to nurture your spirit, you will actually accomplish more with less and more easily. Most importantly, there will be more room in your schedule for some plain old fun!
Enjoy!
Warmly,
Andrea
Sunday, June 27, 2010
Keeping (Your) Cool....
Wow! It has been so incredibly hot here on the East coast that it has been difficult to be outside. It's been strange in that all winter we were buried under more snow than Buffalo and now that the season for fun in the sun is here, it's too hot to enjoy. Even as a kid I don't remember the summer being this hot. I do remember cooling off in a pool, running through a sprinkler and eating popsicles to beat the heat and enjoying the longer hours of sunlight. As an adult I am realizing that heat makes people (kids and adults alike) cranky!!
I couldn't help but link the analogy of keeping cool temperature wise and temperament wise. This week I have had to do both! Besides having work done at my home, I have had to manage my two little ones who just can't take the heat. Their behavior was challenging which was frustrating for me while I was still trying to complete some remodeling at our house after 6 weeks. The house was in chaos with clutter abounding from things having to be shifted around which I can not stand.
My schedule is tight so if I make an appointment, there is much planning to pull it off. I had a hair appointment the other day and for the second month in a row the salon had a scheduling problem which resulted in me not having the stylist I had scheduled with to cut my hair. The first time was easier to swallow and I was ok with someone else taking care of me but the second time in a row was harder for me to swallow since the stylist left after waiting 15 minutes thinking I was not showing for a 4:15 appointment that was originally scheduled for 4:30.This affected my husband having to leave work early, a photographer ( I was supposed to have a head shot taken after my hair appointment for some PR literature) my sister who I was unable to connect with who was visiting from out of town and this time I was H-O-T.
I wanted to keep my cool but express that I was rightfully angry and needed some kind of resolution to the problem. I wanted to be assertive, not aggressive. In order to keep my cool I took a time out and thought about how I wanted to convey my situation and what outcome I wanted. As long as we could take steps to ensure it doesn't happen again, that the salon could take ownership for the problem and exercise good customer service response to the situation, I could be cool. I needed to explain all of the inconvenience and work toward a solution together. It all worked out well and we re-scheduled for the following morning and I was not charged.
This week I have found myself taking lots of time outs to be able to manage various challenges. This has actually led to me just sitting on the front steps with a popsicle with my 3 year old and taking in the time with him. I have also spent some quiet alone time to exercise my spirit. I feel like the heat is on but I have tools to manage!
How do you beat the heat? This week think about what you did to stave off heat in the summer and how you keep your cool in heated situations. If you don't have any tools in your tool box for the latter, simply reflect before reacting and practice, practice, practice!
Have a great week and stay cool!
Warmly,
Andrea
I couldn't help but link the analogy of keeping cool temperature wise and temperament wise. This week I have had to do both! Besides having work done at my home, I have had to manage my two little ones who just can't take the heat. Their behavior was challenging which was frustrating for me while I was still trying to complete some remodeling at our house after 6 weeks. The house was in chaos with clutter abounding from things having to be shifted around which I can not stand.
My schedule is tight so if I make an appointment, there is much planning to pull it off. I had a hair appointment the other day and for the second month in a row the salon had a scheduling problem which resulted in me not having the stylist I had scheduled with to cut my hair. The first time was easier to swallow and I was ok with someone else taking care of me but the second time in a row was harder for me to swallow since the stylist left after waiting 15 minutes thinking I was not showing for a 4:15 appointment that was originally scheduled for 4:30.This affected my husband having to leave work early, a photographer ( I was supposed to have a head shot taken after my hair appointment for some PR literature) my sister who I was unable to connect with who was visiting from out of town and this time I was H-O-T.
I wanted to keep my cool but express that I was rightfully angry and needed some kind of resolution to the problem. I wanted to be assertive, not aggressive. In order to keep my cool I took a time out and thought about how I wanted to convey my situation and what outcome I wanted. As long as we could take steps to ensure it doesn't happen again, that the salon could take ownership for the problem and exercise good customer service response to the situation, I could be cool. I needed to explain all of the inconvenience and work toward a solution together. It all worked out well and we re-scheduled for the following morning and I was not charged.
This week I have found myself taking lots of time outs to be able to manage various challenges. This has actually led to me just sitting on the front steps with a popsicle with my 3 year old and taking in the time with him. I have also spent some quiet alone time to exercise my spirit. I feel like the heat is on but I have tools to manage!
How do you beat the heat? This week think about what you did to stave off heat in the summer and how you keep your cool in heated situations. If you don't have any tools in your tool box for the latter, simply reflect before reacting and practice, practice, practice!
Have a great week and stay cool!
Warmly,
Andrea
Sunday, June 20, 2010
What comes next? Give it time.....
I was honored to be invited to speak to the Chesapeake Moms Club this past week. A wonderful group of women came out to talk about taking steps toward getting reacquainted with themselves and finding ways to investigate what comes next. The room was a mix of wonderfully talented women who were also parents. They wanted to learn how to really get clear about what their likes and dislikes are and what things they were tolerating. Some wanted to think about changing careers altogether and some were contemplating re-entering the workforce since their children would all be in school in the fall.
We addressed the issue of self care and getting enough sleep first and foremost. We also talked about getting serious about our health and setting strong boundaries in our relationships. We need time to meet our own needs so we can meet the needs of our families and the demands of our careers. We also need to create space to invoke the creative energy necessary to identify our next step.
We discussed paying attention to our surroundings so that we can get clues to what ignites our energy. I encouraged these women to pay attention to the television programs they are watching, the conversations they are having and the people they are drawn to for the next 14 days. I asked them to journal about these things and to take note of the themes that presented.
There were women who were used to plans being laid out and followed sequentially. I asked them to be patient with the process and to be sure to have some quiet time so that creativity would have room to bloom.
Each of these women were eager and ready to take on the task at hand. The discussion that ensued was a good one for anyone who is considering a change due to dissatisfaction in their work, relationships or in themselves. Here are some ideas to help identify what really stirs your spirit.
This week ask yourself:
-What hobby or career would I encourage my children or nieces or nephews to pursue?
-What section of the newspaper do I go to first?
-What do I absolutely make time for in my day no matter what?
-Who do I know that is doing something I would love to do either as a hobby or as a career?
Keep track for yourselves. Identify any themes that result and pursue one by developing 5 action steps that would allow you to work toward that interest. Most importantly, be sure to give yourself the space you need (is your home free of clutter, are there relationships that you need to re-evaluate to set firm limits on and are you taking 15 minutes a day to be still and quiet in nature?)If you commit to the process, what comes next will evolve as it should.
Have a great week!
Warmly,
Andrea
We addressed the issue of self care and getting enough sleep first and foremost. We also talked about getting serious about our health and setting strong boundaries in our relationships. We need time to meet our own needs so we can meet the needs of our families and the demands of our careers. We also need to create space to invoke the creative energy necessary to identify our next step.
We discussed paying attention to our surroundings so that we can get clues to what ignites our energy. I encouraged these women to pay attention to the television programs they are watching, the conversations they are having and the people they are drawn to for the next 14 days. I asked them to journal about these things and to take note of the themes that presented.
There were women who were used to plans being laid out and followed sequentially. I asked them to be patient with the process and to be sure to have some quiet time so that creativity would have room to bloom.
Each of these women were eager and ready to take on the task at hand. The discussion that ensued was a good one for anyone who is considering a change due to dissatisfaction in their work, relationships or in themselves. Here are some ideas to help identify what really stirs your spirit.
This week ask yourself:
-What hobby or career would I encourage my children or nieces or nephews to pursue?
-What section of the newspaper do I go to first?
-What do I absolutely make time for in my day no matter what?
-Who do I know that is doing something I would love to do either as a hobby or as a career?
Keep track for yourselves. Identify any themes that result and pursue one by developing 5 action steps that would allow you to work toward that interest. Most importantly, be sure to give yourself the space you need (is your home free of clutter, are there relationships that you need to re-evaluate to set firm limits on and are you taking 15 minutes a day to be still and quiet in nature?)If you commit to the process, what comes next will evolve as it should.
Have a great week!
Warmly,
Andrea
Sunday, June 13, 2010
Summertime!
My family and I had a wonderful weekend traveling to see more family and friends. We covered a lot of ground in 3 days but it didn't feel harried and all of it was quality. It was yet another reminder to schedule fun but to travel the road to have a good time, not to make good time (Sally from the Cars movie couldn't have said it better):-) We didn't over book activities or visits and yet we felt as though we got away for longer than we did.
Often times the summer months find us hitting the road or the skies or even staying closer to home these days with economics as they are. I have referenced a few times already the crazy pace we keep. Sometimes we make the mistake of scheduling whirlwind vacations where we squeeze in as much as we can in just a week's time or even worse, on a long weekend. We're not giving ourselves the necessary time we need to refuel. Sometimes it takes a few days just to 'get into the vacation frame of mind' and unwind and we no sooner do that and we're back at our grind. Some folks are using vacation to do projects at home or to play 'catch up' in another area of their lives that they've neglected.
We need to reboot in order to continue to function. How will you choose to reboot this week and what are your summer plans? If you've made plans already, revisit your itinerary and see if you're trying to do too much. If you haven't scheduled anything fun yet, start to plan and if you feel the pinch at the wallet, what are some local interests that you've neglected to explore? Whatever you do this summer, be sure to return to your regular routine refreshed. This week, be sure to get at least 15 minutes a day to steal away for a walk, a road side lemonade or to take in a sunset.
Have a great week!
~Andrea
Often times the summer months find us hitting the road or the skies or even staying closer to home these days with economics as they are. I have referenced a few times already the crazy pace we keep. Sometimes we make the mistake of scheduling whirlwind vacations where we squeeze in as much as we can in just a week's time or even worse, on a long weekend. We're not giving ourselves the necessary time we need to refuel. Sometimes it takes a few days just to 'get into the vacation frame of mind' and unwind and we no sooner do that and we're back at our grind. Some folks are using vacation to do projects at home or to play 'catch up' in another area of their lives that they've neglected.
We need to reboot in order to continue to function. How will you choose to reboot this week and what are your summer plans? If you've made plans already, revisit your itinerary and see if you're trying to do too much. If you haven't scheduled anything fun yet, start to plan and if you feel the pinch at the wallet, what are some local interests that you've neglected to explore? Whatever you do this summer, be sure to return to your regular routine refreshed. This week, be sure to get at least 15 minutes a day to steal away for a walk, a road side lemonade or to take in a sunset.
Have a great week!
~Andrea
Sunday, June 6, 2010
What exactly is enough?
I have been thinking a lot about what fills us up. We are all running at such frantic paces. We are always chasing our tails to keep up with a society that wants even more for us and from us. It wants more of our time so we can be better revenue generators, better multi-taskers, and better academically, athletically, socially etc. In return we want the best instruments that will allows us to keep said frantic pace and thus our free time is utilized by searching for the latest electronic gadgets to allow us to do so - and even better than the next guy or gal.
I can tell you that I still am a fan of snail mail. There is nothing like going to the mailbox and getting a card or note in the mail. I've always loved getting mail and love it even more now because I relish that someone 'took the time' to reach out to me. I enjoy the benefits of all of this technology but still try to connect on a human level with people. I am a reluctant texter. If I have something I'd like to talk with you about, expect a call. I won't say I never text, but I truly try to keep it to a minimum.
The effects of all of this 'advancement' is wreaking havoc on our relationships. We are so busy that we keep filling ourselves up with stuff. Even our silence is filled. Advertisers can even reach us in our cars if you have a more recent model that is able to identify the artist and song title playing on your radio. Occasionally messages from advertisers will stream across the display when commercials are playing simultaneously. We are so bombarded with information and are becoming convinced that what the advertisers say the latest thing we need is something we truly need and are entitled to having.
Whew....exhale for a minute. What is it that truly makes you feel satisfied? How do you define a good day? What are the five absolute essential people and things in your life, that if they were taken away would truly leave you unable to survive? I remember reading an article asking if your house caught fire, what would you try to save. The writer replied that he'd try to save the fire. I thought, that seems strange and read on eagerly. He wanted to save the fire so that he could constantly be reminded of what was important. Instead of living as if the fire were behind him, he wanted to live and treasure what was most important to him in the present.
This week take stock of your five most important people and things. Make a list and keep it in your wallet or purse and maybe even try to contact someone on your list in person - either face to face or by phone.
Keep the fire....
Have a great week!
Warmly,
Andrea
I can tell you that I still am a fan of snail mail. There is nothing like going to the mailbox and getting a card or note in the mail. I've always loved getting mail and love it even more now because I relish that someone 'took the time' to reach out to me. I enjoy the benefits of all of this technology but still try to connect on a human level with people. I am a reluctant texter. If I have something I'd like to talk with you about, expect a call. I won't say I never text, but I truly try to keep it to a minimum.
The effects of all of this 'advancement' is wreaking havoc on our relationships. We are so busy that we keep filling ourselves up with stuff. Even our silence is filled. Advertisers can even reach us in our cars if you have a more recent model that is able to identify the artist and song title playing on your radio. Occasionally messages from advertisers will stream across the display when commercials are playing simultaneously. We are so bombarded with information and are becoming convinced that what the advertisers say the latest thing we need is something we truly need and are entitled to having.
Whew....exhale for a minute. What is it that truly makes you feel satisfied? How do you define a good day? What are the five absolute essential people and things in your life, that if they were taken away would truly leave you unable to survive? I remember reading an article asking if your house caught fire, what would you try to save. The writer replied that he'd try to save the fire. I thought, that seems strange and read on eagerly. He wanted to save the fire so that he could constantly be reminded of what was important. Instead of living as if the fire were behind him, he wanted to live and treasure what was most important to him in the present.
This week take stock of your five most important people and things. Make a list and keep it in your wallet or purse and maybe even try to contact someone on your list in person - either face to face or by phone.
Keep the fire....
Have a great week!
Warmly,
Andrea
Sunday, May 30, 2010
Make it worth it
We tend to forget when we step out of our doors and go about our days that we are a privileged people who live in this country. The freedoms we enjoy and take for granted so often came and continue to be realized with a big price.
The holiday we celebrate tomorrow is more than the beginning of summer or a day off that allows for a shorter work week. The sweat and blood of brave men and women whose names we may or may not even know were the price paid for our ability to walk assuredly out of our doors each day. The only repayment we can offer is daily awareness and appreciation of our freedoms and protecting and cherishing them. We need to make their sacrifice worth it. How do we make it worth it?
Be sure to mark Memorial Day by truly remembering when you make that first splash in the pool or bite into that hot dog that freedom was and never will be free. Thank and pray for our troops and their families and enjoy your family and loved ones in the moment. Hang a flag with pride and celebrate our differences and realize they are the core of our freedom. Live up to being an American, to the ideals that were carved out in our constitution and pass it on.
Happy Memorial Day....
Warmly,
Andrea
The holiday we celebrate tomorrow is more than the beginning of summer or a day off that allows for a shorter work week. The sweat and blood of brave men and women whose names we may or may not even know were the price paid for our ability to walk assuredly out of our doors each day. The only repayment we can offer is daily awareness and appreciation of our freedoms and protecting and cherishing them. We need to make their sacrifice worth it. How do we make it worth it?
Be sure to mark Memorial Day by truly remembering when you make that first splash in the pool or bite into that hot dog that freedom was and never will be free. Thank and pray for our troops and their families and enjoy your family and loved ones in the moment. Hang a flag with pride and celebrate our differences and realize they are the core of our freedom. Live up to being an American, to the ideals that were carved out in our constitution and pass it on.
Happy Memorial Day....
Warmly,
Andrea
Sunday, May 23, 2010
These Are A Few of My Favorite Things....
Now that my private practice has been launched, I have had the honor of having friends and colleagues speak more openly about parenthood, more specifically, motherhood. It's interesting to note that the most difficult job in the world and it's challenges are often the least spoken about in social groups. How much are we trying to keep pace in a world that is not family centered but measures our worth based on our productivity and revenue generation? How much do we look to others to measure how we are doing?
I am a CNN junkie when I get the chance and interestingly enough I was able to catch a segment about post partum depression in dads the other day. Who would have ever thought men suffer this, too? The symptoms are similar to women's symptoms, but men's symptoms are more often overlooked and under reported. Check out www.saddaddy.com I was surprised to hear about it, but in thinking more, why wouldn't dads be crashing too since they suffer sleep deprivation, lose their life as they knew it (and their wives as they knew them) and are expected not to lose a step at work. Their responsibilities have increased and their sleep has decreased, just like moms.
Do you remember what you loved before you were a husband, wife or mom or dad? My husband and I love music and it wasn't until recently that I realized that I really missed it! Our car trips had been taken over by infant and toddler music and rarely do we have an opportunity to find time to just put on some music and relax. There is nothing like belting out your favorite tunes in the shower, in your car or anywhere else for that matter! What is a parent to do?
A friend of mine used a funny term - 'baby muggers' to describe how we lose part of ourselves when we are in the parenthood trenches. It's easy to find ourselves with nothing to look forward to, when we are just replicating days and routines and we're too tired to do anything if we really wanted to and could!
What is a mom or dad to do? Get back to some of your favorite things!! What are some past times that you recall that bring a smile? What are some you remember from being single and what are some from when you were dating/newly weds? How can we find fun in routine?
Parents, take back your lives! We are doing THE most important job on earth but need to feel re-energized to get back in the arena. Go out for a date. Get to know your spouse again. Take a walk. Find a way to incorporate some of the things you love with the kids and keep mixing it up. Parents aren't the only ones who get bored, even kids tire of routine at times. The thing is if we get stuck in a rut in our parenting, in our marriages, our friendships or even our jobs, it's time to mix it up! Don't forget to schedule the fun!!
Try one of these:
Plan a night out with your spouse
Plan a family outting that's fun for everyone
Get together with an old friend and do something you haven't done in a while
Go get some icecream and take a stroll!
Turn up the music
Rent a funny movie and snuggle
Simply remember your favorite things.....you know the rest!!!
Go get 'em!
-Andrea
PS. I'm on my way, honey!
I am a CNN junkie when I get the chance and interestingly enough I was able to catch a segment about post partum depression in dads the other day. Who would have ever thought men suffer this, too? The symptoms are similar to women's symptoms, but men's symptoms are more often overlooked and under reported. Check out www.saddaddy.com I was surprised to hear about it, but in thinking more, why wouldn't dads be crashing too since they suffer sleep deprivation, lose their life as they knew it (and their wives as they knew them) and are expected not to lose a step at work. Their responsibilities have increased and their sleep has decreased, just like moms.
Do you remember what you loved before you were a husband, wife or mom or dad? My husband and I love music and it wasn't until recently that I realized that I really missed it! Our car trips had been taken over by infant and toddler music and rarely do we have an opportunity to find time to just put on some music and relax. There is nothing like belting out your favorite tunes in the shower, in your car or anywhere else for that matter! What is a parent to do?
A friend of mine used a funny term - 'baby muggers' to describe how we lose part of ourselves when we are in the parenthood trenches. It's easy to find ourselves with nothing to look forward to, when we are just replicating days and routines and we're too tired to do anything if we really wanted to and could!
What is a mom or dad to do? Get back to some of your favorite things!! What are some past times that you recall that bring a smile? What are some you remember from being single and what are some from when you were dating/newly weds? How can we find fun in routine?
Parents, take back your lives! We are doing THE most important job on earth but need to feel re-energized to get back in the arena. Go out for a date. Get to know your spouse again. Take a walk. Find a way to incorporate some of the things you love with the kids and keep mixing it up. Parents aren't the only ones who get bored, even kids tire of routine at times. The thing is if we get stuck in a rut in our parenting, in our marriages, our friendships or even our jobs, it's time to mix it up! Don't forget to schedule the fun!!
Try one of these:
Plan a night out with your spouse
Plan a family outting that's fun for everyone
Get together with an old friend and do something you haven't done in a while
Go get some icecream and take a stroll!
Turn up the music
Rent a funny movie and snuggle
Simply remember your favorite things.....you know the rest!!!
Go get 'em!
-Andrea
PS. I'm on my way, honey!
Thursday, May 20, 2010
Gratitude
New Beginnings!
Welcome to my blog! I'll be posting some weekly thoughts and will have various topics that you will find interesting to help keep you motivated to be the change you want to see! Consider me your accountability partner and we'll enjoy evolving together!
Last night The Balance Center for Natural Health here in Stevensville, Maryland honored me with an open house welcome as I joined their group on May 1. As I looked around the room, I truly was so grateful to all of the guests who came to see our wonderful center. My thoughts were racing as I remembered my journey to get here and all of the people who were part of my tapestry, who have helped paint my canvas, in the past and in the present. I am humbled by your support and I hold each of you in my heart with such tenderness. I of course had a lot of help from above and know that you were all sent to me to make this important work possible.
For those of you who couldn't be with us, I look forward to seeing you and having you meet my wonderful "A" girls: Teresa Hummel, massage therapist and founder of the center, Heena Choi, acupuncturist and Sara Adelman, nurse practitioner. (Our names all end with an 'A' - isn't that neat!)
More to come.....
Warmly,
Andrea
Welcome to my blog! I'll be posting some weekly thoughts and will have various topics that you will find interesting to help keep you motivated to be the change you want to see! Consider me your accountability partner and we'll enjoy evolving together!
Last night The Balance Center for Natural Health here in Stevensville, Maryland honored me with an open house welcome as I joined their group on May 1. As I looked around the room, I truly was so grateful to all of the guests who came to see our wonderful center. My thoughts were racing as I remembered my journey to get here and all of the people who were part of my tapestry, who have helped paint my canvas, in the past and in the present. I am humbled by your support and I hold each of you in my heart with such tenderness. I of course had a lot of help from above and know that you were all sent to me to make this important work possible.
For those of you who couldn't be with us, I look forward to seeing you and having you meet my wonderful "A" girls: Teresa Hummel, massage therapist and founder of the center, Heena Choi, acupuncturist and Sara Adelman, nurse practitioner. (Our names all end with an 'A' - isn't that neat!)
More to come.....
Warmly,
Andrea
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