I often refer people to Dr. Gary Chapman's books (especially the Five Love Languages) to find out what their love language is. It's been useful for couples and for parents to know what their language is and that of their spouse and children. I had a light bulb moment when I was discussing the book with a client.
I was sharing that I had had a difficult road block with an individual who was involved in a business relationship with my husband and I. This individual was really pushing an agenda that was exceptionally aggressive (especially in light of my husband just having lost his mom) and it was difficult to communicate due to their schedule and ours but also due to the fact that conversation was challenging. We could not communicate effectively and we were always feeling 'spoken to' and not heard. We were asking for the person to be 'present' and truly 'hear' and not just listen while multi- tasking or preparing a response before we were able to present our position clearly.
It dawned on me that the Love Languages apply not only to couples and children but to anyone in relationship of any kind. My husband and I started to re-think how to effectively get our message across in a polite way and present our position and needs.
My language is quality time and nothing insults folks similar to me like not being listened to - it cuts like a knife. I started to contemplate what the other person's language might be and it dawned on me that this is important information for everyone to know. We are all trying to achieve common goals at times and if we knew how to communicate to one another in a way that we could be heard, wow, what a difference it would be.
Most of communication lies in listening. We are so caught up in multi-tasking that we fail to be truly present to one another. We may listen but we don't necessarily hear the content. I encourage you to take the assessment online and encourage your partner, children and friends to do the same and share your results (www.5lovelanguages.com).
Do yourself and everyone a favor this week...be present.
Have a great week!
-Andrea
Sunday, September 26, 2010
Sunday, September 12, 2010
Are you ready for some football?
I can almost hear the commercials...and Terry Bradshaw and Jimmy Johnson cracking the jokes. It's not just football time, it's back to school, back to routine, back to making time to make some changes.
Seasonal changes are funny for folks. The coming of fall welcomes structure and addressing the things we've been putting off whether it's yard work, getting back to the job search (if you're a recent grad or like so many others who have been laid off over the summer)or starting a fitness regimen or tackling some other personal goals.
Whenever we start something new it's always better to have someone to share the journey with who can hold us accountable. A change in season can be challenging for folks who lose momentum as a result. How do you stay in action?
It's always good to do what you can to fill your reserves before trying to address change. Line up your support system and if you don't have one, your challenge can start with creating one either online or in your community. Be a volunteer and become a part of something. Explore an interest or pursue people who are doing what you would love to do and ask them about their journey in getting there.
Most importantly, don't be afraid to take a step in some direction, even if things don't work out. The important thing is that you actually decide to put energy in motion.
Feel free to stop by periodically for the support you need! Make it a great week!
-Andrea
Seasonal changes are funny for folks. The coming of fall welcomes structure and addressing the things we've been putting off whether it's yard work, getting back to the job search (if you're a recent grad or like so many others who have been laid off over the summer)or starting a fitness regimen or tackling some other personal goals.
Whenever we start something new it's always better to have someone to share the journey with who can hold us accountable. A change in season can be challenging for folks who lose momentum as a result. How do you stay in action?
It's always good to do what you can to fill your reserves before trying to address change. Line up your support system and if you don't have one, your challenge can start with creating one either online or in your community. Be a volunteer and become a part of something. Explore an interest or pursue people who are doing what you would love to do and ask them about their journey in getting there.
Most importantly, don't be afraid to take a step in some direction, even if things don't work out. The important thing is that you actually decide to put energy in motion.
Feel free to stop by periodically for the support you need! Make it a great week!
-Andrea
Monday, September 6, 2010
Making Memories
My family and I had the opportunity to travel to New Hampshire this weekend to attend a family wedding. In light of my mother-in-law's recent passing, attendance was important for my husband to be around family. I wasn't happy about the trek, especially since my oldest son had been sick just a day or two prior to our scheduled departure. When he gets sick, he's really sick and it usually takes him longer to kick something. The idea of making him travel so many hours in a car was not comforting.
A scheduled trip to the doctor confirmed he was ok at present and there was no reason he couldn't make the trip. Call it mom knowing best but I still was not confident when trying to make a decision with my husband about who should attend. Should we all still go? Should I stay behind with the kids? My husband made it clear that he really wanted us to go together. Under normal circumstances, I'd be fine. Afterall, I loved this side of his family and knew it would be a lot of fun. My babies are a different story though.
We braved the roads on Friday evening and much to our surprise, traffic was fine and moving. All was well except for the baby who was crying and awake for several hours. Despite our best efforts to entertain, feed and change him, we were not successful. Exhausted, we arrived at our destination at 12:45 am reassured once again, that our infant son does not like to travel. He still wouldn't go to bed once we were getting settled and once he did, he only slept for about 2 or 3 hours.
We managed to get to the ceremony, albeit late. We made it to the reception and the older one was having a blast, the little guy was looking tired. He eventually fell asleep. Whew! One down. Only one to chase! We made it through dinner and all of the sudden the little one woke up and was crying and burning up with fever. I took both boys back to the hotel and we no sooner were under way when the little guy started vomiting after I had made a stop at a drug store for some fever medicine.
I saw this coming! I was bummed that I had made them travel. My oldest still looked so run down even though he was having fun. My little one was so sick and just wanted to lay down on my chest and not move. I settled them into bed and snuggled with them both. My husband stayed behind at the wedding. I wanted him to be there. I am not going to say I was thrilled, but it was the right thing to do.
In the morning, everyone was fine. No fevers, no vomiting. We attended a picnic at my husband's uncle's house where the bride and groom and more family were gathering. It was great to see my oldest son running and playing with other kids and the baby was gaining adoring fans with each smile. My husband was thankful and so were his uncle, aunt and cousins that we were able to stick it out despite the circumstances.
We started our way back home and stopped off in North Jersey to see my sister (who graciously fed us) and to stretch and change the kids into pajamas. In the end, it was all worth it. It meant so much to everyone and we all got to enjoy being together. I am sure my oldest son will have fond memories of it all. He doesn't seem to forget anything. We have to keep on keeping on and sometimes it's hard with little ones, but in the process, we're carving out our family tapestry and it will be beautiful, even with some not so perfect pieces.
It was labor well worth it for this holiday weekend!
Happy September!
-Andrea
A scheduled trip to the doctor confirmed he was ok at present and there was no reason he couldn't make the trip. Call it mom knowing best but I still was not confident when trying to make a decision with my husband about who should attend. Should we all still go? Should I stay behind with the kids? My husband made it clear that he really wanted us to go together. Under normal circumstances, I'd be fine. Afterall, I loved this side of his family and knew it would be a lot of fun. My babies are a different story though.
We braved the roads on Friday evening and much to our surprise, traffic was fine and moving. All was well except for the baby who was crying and awake for several hours. Despite our best efforts to entertain, feed and change him, we were not successful. Exhausted, we arrived at our destination at 12:45 am reassured once again, that our infant son does not like to travel. He still wouldn't go to bed once we were getting settled and once he did, he only slept for about 2 or 3 hours.
We managed to get to the ceremony, albeit late. We made it to the reception and the older one was having a blast, the little guy was looking tired. He eventually fell asleep. Whew! One down. Only one to chase! We made it through dinner and all of the sudden the little one woke up and was crying and burning up with fever. I took both boys back to the hotel and we no sooner were under way when the little guy started vomiting after I had made a stop at a drug store for some fever medicine.
I saw this coming! I was bummed that I had made them travel. My oldest still looked so run down even though he was having fun. My little one was so sick and just wanted to lay down on my chest and not move. I settled them into bed and snuggled with them both. My husband stayed behind at the wedding. I wanted him to be there. I am not going to say I was thrilled, but it was the right thing to do.
In the morning, everyone was fine. No fevers, no vomiting. We attended a picnic at my husband's uncle's house where the bride and groom and more family were gathering. It was great to see my oldest son running and playing with other kids and the baby was gaining adoring fans with each smile. My husband was thankful and so were his uncle, aunt and cousins that we were able to stick it out despite the circumstances.
We started our way back home and stopped off in North Jersey to see my sister (who graciously fed us) and to stretch and change the kids into pajamas. In the end, it was all worth it. It meant so much to everyone and we all got to enjoy being together. I am sure my oldest son will have fond memories of it all. He doesn't seem to forget anything. We have to keep on keeping on and sometimes it's hard with little ones, but in the process, we're carving out our family tapestry and it will be beautiful, even with some not so perfect pieces.
It was labor well worth it for this holiday weekend!
Happy September!
-Andrea
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