Are you a Peace Maker, Faker or Breaker?

I was talking with a respected colleague a few weeks ago and she introduced me to this philosophy of being a peace maker, faker or breaker. We were talking about dynamics where a whole system can turn against an individual who stands their ground with strong boundaries. I brought up the fact that peace at all cost is not peace. Unless we are willing to recognize a conflict, communicate about it and acknowledge it and work through it and resolve it, any other approach falls under peace breaking or faking, although they too can be differentiated.

We all have been peace breakers - where we have fallen short of recognizing and promoting peace with genuine intention. This is when we have chosen to stay angry or to do everything except promote the peace. We're all guilty at some point of this. I think any one of us can recall a time when we fell under this umbrella. It's when we learn a different, better way, that we can approach peace as we should.

Peace faking really gets under my skin. My training encourages me to address things and I am getting used to teaching people to do this in their personal lives. Since I am responsible for teaching them this, I try to model it. Although it's difficult and there are several personal scenarios that I can recall that even though I have tried, peace did not result in the situation, I still try to pursue it to model it. It's when folks just want peace no matter what - when they are uncomfortable with someone else's being upset and they want you to just swallow it because of their discomfort, that's the essence of peace faking. I call this peace at all costs. This is not peace. In this case you have to turn it over and rest knowing you tried, even though you may not have been successful.

I am sure if you look around you, you will be able to find all kinds of peace makers, fakers and breakers, you'll be more aware of them now. We can't really contribute to true peace without faith but promise me you won't settle for being a faker. If you're a habitual breaker, there's hope! Start getting real and raise your standards. There's not enough peacemakers out there. We need more in our neighborhoods, schools, work places and country. Help spread the contagion!

Make it a peaceful week!

-Andrea

Safe People lead to Safe Relationships....

Hello everybody!

I hope you are nestled and warm, all snug in your homes! It is C-O-L-D!!!! There's nothing like nesting this time of year!

In keeping with my challenge of getting real about your relationships( my 2011 Challenge - the 5 F's), I am encouraging you to take stock of the people who have most influenced you in your life. Make a list and chart how they treated you,(was it consistent, did they always support you no matter what or was it unpredictable) how they treated others and how they thought about themselves in your opinion. Remember to go back from childhood to present day. You will be amazed at what stares back at you. You have either surrounded yourself with emotionally safe people whom you could count on or you have a stack of folks who have been there once in a while but definitely not on a healthy, dependable, predictable basis.


When you assess the people who have influenced your development, take a look at how you relate to others. Are you having a hard time discerning who is really there for you and who is healthy for you? Don't worry, this is common for a lot of us. This topic has come up often this week. I have been referring folks to Henry Cloud and John Townsend's books, Safe People and Boundaries (both are available on the buy books/cd's portion of my website). They couch both subjects with a Christian perspective in a clinical sense. I have found the books useful no matter what your belief system may be. They indicate that when we have not developed the ability to discern healthy people, we tend to repeat patterns and draw into our lives people who are not safe for us and we start to believe it is because we are too needy that they let us down. We start to believe something is wrong with us when it continues to happen in a continual pattern in our families, relationships, marriages and friendships.

Take stock this week and let's get on the road to healthy by re-evaluating the true relationships in our lives versus the ones we believe to be true.

Make it a great week! Stop by my facebook page and drop me a line! Don't forget to tune in on Friday at 11am to Frankly Speaking at 1530 am or at WCTR.com to listen online by clicking listen live and scrolling down and clicking on Frankly Speaking.

Be well,
Andrea

WCTR's Frankly Speaking 2011 Challenge

Hello all!

I figured my absence has been noticeable enough! It's time to get back to blogging! My weekly radio show on WCTR, 1530 am has been so exciting! I am so thankful to my sponsors: Kentisland.org, Weemscreeksolutions.com, Fisher Law in Annapolis and Chesapeake Mom's Club to date. My guests have been great, too: Triton Wealth Management, Executive Coach Eileen Nonemaker and this week, Imago therapist, Kat Mahone. Future shows include Dr. Lou Aymard, founder of the Parenting Center at Anne Arundel County Community College and others who will help us along the way!

My challenge to all of you is to get real in 2011 and work toward authenticity. We're looking at our families, belief systems (faith practices),finances, fitness and fun!

This is the year where I challenge you not to make resolutions but to re-evaluate and stop settling in your lives. If you're doing work you don't enjoy or your relationships are not what you want them to be, this is the year we will get real and work toward authenticity. Consider me your accountability
partner and let's get moving toward the you you want to be! Tune in and join us on Fridays at 11 am at 1530 am or online at WCTR.com.

Let's roll!

Warmly,
Andrea