I have never been around a family like my husband's. He has an older brother and a younger sister, both of whom are married and have children. They have never said a cross word to one another or about one another in my presence and in fact defend one another to the core.
It has been very humbling and an honor to witness their ways of dealing with the loss of their mom, the true matriarch of their family. She was a strong woman who had a very strong hold on the family and was at times very opinionated on affairs that were not of her concern, but that she voiced anyway. Even under these circumstances, they loved her and respected her.
Her passing, although difficult, was a tribute to this woman who produced such amazing children. They have respected one another so kindly and gently throughout her illness, in preparing for her death and in addressing the administrative demands after her death. This weekend we all came together to help with clearing out her home. When there were items that they each wanted, they promised to mark them down and discuss how to address them fairly. There was no arguing, no vying for possessions and no resentment. At times they yielded to the other and promised to borrow an item if they needed to from the other sibling to whom they yielded. They included spouses and encouraged our participation and were open to our thoughts and input.
It was amazing to witness such peace and kindness and an honor to call them each family. I am especially proud of my husband who is not a fan of parting with things. He did not seek to 'save it all' and have items retreat to storage to never be used just because there were things he might like to use some day.
It was a lesson in humility and one I hope to never forget. In was interesting to see no matter how much we accumulate, in the end, it still doesn't matter. I am hoping to keep it simple from now going forward. Thanks Paul, Carl and Michelle and Ellen and Rick.
Warmly,
Andrea
Sunday, February 13, 2011
Sunday, February 6, 2011
My Day with Dr. Lou Aymard
I was so blessed to have Dr. Lou Aymard join me for 'Frankly Speaking' as my guest on Friday. We shared a car ride to the radio station and chatted the whole way there! I have such appreciation for him and was thrilled to be able to share some time with him.
Dr.Lou was so kind to meet with me in 2007 when I was a new mom and still wanting to use my counseling skills but wanting to weave any opportunity around my new son. I still remember the day clearly when I arrived at Anne Arundel Community College to meet with him in his office. I arrived with my infant son in his stroller and Lou was thrilled! He was so welcoming, assuring, and of course wanting me to come work at the Parenting Center! I was lucky enough to be involved in the launch of the program Parenting the Middle School Child which won national honors as a result of his hard work. The whole center was his concept and has been a tremendous asset to the Anne Arundel County Community residents. Lou has done so many things over his 40 years of clinical and teaching experience in the parenting and child development fields. He is an amazing innovator and always wanting to model creative ways to do things better, especially when it comes to matters of the family and or the welfare of children. He is the reason I am also a mobile crisis therapist with the police as it was his referrals that landed me an opportunity to work using my skills but doing so by putting my own family first.
We covered lots of things on and off the air having to do with the family like teaching children how to budget finances, (he suggests giving them a salary, not an allowance and that their expenses come out of their salary - gifts for birthday parties, buying lunch if they choose to not pre-pack).
We talked about the economic climate and how studies are showing a tendency toward domestic violence in cases where there was no history. We also touched on the buzz about bullying and how the examples we are seeing in the news and at schools should really not be labeled as bullying but as assault or violence. There have always been bullies but the violence, aggression and physical victimization to the point of death or suicide is a newer trend.
We also discussed the importance of spending time with our children in active play and being consistent with them and limiting exposure to programming that portrays violence. Lou encouraged us not to worry that children are not listening to you, worry that they are always watching you. What they see is what you get.
Dr. Lou offered some parting comments on what he called his four pillars of parenting. He encouraged our listeners to be familiar with the growth and developmental stages of their children across the lifespan, re-evaluate how we manage behavior (he is a proponent of positive reinforcement), talk so our kids will listen and listen so our kids can talk and consider any threats to parenting such as outside forces.
My morning went by in a flash! The few hours we spent felt like fleeting minutes! Thanks, Lou for all you have done and all you continue to do to promote family and the welfare of children. Thanks also for being my trusted colleague and helping me to stay connected in the field but connected to my family! For information about the Parenting Center at Anne Arundel Community College, please call410-777-2159 or visit www.aacc.edu/parenting
Make it a great week and be sure to spend some time with the kids - big or small:-)
~Warmly,
Andrea
Dr.Lou was so kind to meet with me in 2007 when I was a new mom and still wanting to use my counseling skills but wanting to weave any opportunity around my new son. I still remember the day clearly when I arrived at Anne Arundel Community College to meet with him in his office. I arrived with my infant son in his stroller and Lou was thrilled! He was so welcoming, assuring, and of course wanting me to come work at the Parenting Center! I was lucky enough to be involved in the launch of the program Parenting the Middle School Child which won national honors as a result of his hard work. The whole center was his concept and has been a tremendous asset to the Anne Arundel County Community residents. Lou has done so many things over his 40 years of clinical and teaching experience in the parenting and child development fields. He is an amazing innovator and always wanting to model creative ways to do things better, especially when it comes to matters of the family and or the welfare of children. He is the reason I am also a mobile crisis therapist with the police as it was his referrals that landed me an opportunity to work using my skills but doing so by putting my own family first.
We covered lots of things on and off the air having to do with the family like teaching children how to budget finances, (he suggests giving them a salary, not an allowance and that their expenses come out of their salary - gifts for birthday parties, buying lunch if they choose to not pre-pack).
We talked about the economic climate and how studies are showing a tendency toward domestic violence in cases where there was no history. We also touched on the buzz about bullying and how the examples we are seeing in the news and at schools should really not be labeled as bullying but as assault or violence. There have always been bullies but the violence, aggression and physical victimization to the point of death or suicide is a newer trend.
We also discussed the importance of spending time with our children in active play and being consistent with them and limiting exposure to programming that portrays violence. Lou encouraged us not to worry that children are not listening to you, worry that they are always watching you. What they see is what you get.
Dr. Lou offered some parting comments on what he called his four pillars of parenting. He encouraged our listeners to be familiar with the growth and developmental stages of their children across the lifespan, re-evaluate how we manage behavior (he is a proponent of positive reinforcement), talk so our kids will listen and listen so our kids can talk and consider any threats to parenting such as outside forces.
My morning went by in a flash! The few hours we spent felt like fleeting minutes! Thanks, Lou for all you have done and all you continue to do to promote family and the welfare of children. Thanks also for being my trusted colleague and helping me to stay connected in the field but connected to my family! For information about the Parenting Center at Anne Arundel Community College, please call410-777-2159 or visit www.aacc.edu/parenting
Make it a great week and be sure to spend some time with the kids - big or small:-)
~Warmly,
Andrea
Sunday, January 30, 2011
Are you a Peace Maker, Faker or Breaker?
I was talking with a respected colleague a few weeks ago and she introduced me to this philosophy of being a peace maker, faker or breaker. We were talking about dynamics where a whole system can turn against an individual who stands their ground with strong boundaries. I brought up the fact that peace at all cost is not peace. Unless we are willing to recognize a conflict, communicate about it and acknowledge it and work through it and resolve it, any other approach falls under peace breaking or faking, although they too can be differentiated.
We all have been peace breakers - where we have fallen short of recognizing and promoting peace with genuine intention. This is when we have chosen to stay angry or to do everything except promote the peace. We're all guilty at some point of this. I think any one of us can recall a time when we fell under this umbrella. It's when we learn a different, better way, that we can approach peace as we should.
Peace faking really gets under my skin. My training encourages me to address things and I am getting used to teaching people to do this in their personal lives. Since I am responsible for teaching them this, I try to model it. Although it's difficult and there are several personal scenarios that I can recall that even though I have tried, peace did not result in the situation, I still try to pursue it to model it. It's when folks just want peace no matter what - when they are uncomfortable with someone else's being upset and they want you to just swallow it because of their discomfort, that's the essence of peace faking. I call this peace at all costs. This is not peace. In this case you have to turn it over and rest knowing you tried, even though you may not have been successful.
I am sure if you look around you, you will be able to find all kinds of peace makers, fakers and breakers, you'll be more aware of them now. We can't really contribute to true peace without faith but promise me you won't settle for being a faker. If you're a habitual breaker, there's hope! Start getting real and raise your standards. There's not enough peacemakers out there. We need more in our neighborhoods, schools, work places and country. Help spread the contagion!
Make it a peaceful week!
-Andrea
We all have been peace breakers - where we have fallen short of recognizing and promoting peace with genuine intention. This is when we have chosen to stay angry or to do everything except promote the peace. We're all guilty at some point of this. I think any one of us can recall a time when we fell under this umbrella. It's when we learn a different, better way, that we can approach peace as we should.
Peace faking really gets under my skin. My training encourages me to address things and I am getting used to teaching people to do this in their personal lives. Since I am responsible for teaching them this, I try to model it. Although it's difficult and there are several personal scenarios that I can recall that even though I have tried, peace did not result in the situation, I still try to pursue it to model it. It's when folks just want peace no matter what - when they are uncomfortable with someone else's being upset and they want you to just swallow it because of their discomfort, that's the essence of peace faking. I call this peace at all costs. This is not peace. In this case you have to turn it over and rest knowing you tried, even though you may not have been successful.
I am sure if you look around you, you will be able to find all kinds of peace makers, fakers and breakers, you'll be more aware of them now. We can't really contribute to true peace without faith but promise me you won't settle for being a faker. If you're a habitual breaker, there's hope! Start getting real and raise your standards. There's not enough peacemakers out there. We need more in our neighborhoods, schools, work places and country. Help spread the contagion!
Make it a peaceful week!
-Andrea
Sunday, January 23, 2011
Safe People lead to Safe Relationships....
Hello everybody!
I hope you are nestled and warm, all snug in your homes! It is C-O-L-D!!!! There's nothing like nesting this time of year!
In keeping with my challenge of getting real about your relationships( my 2011 Challenge - the 5 F's), I am encouraging you to take stock of the people who have most influenced you in your life. Make a list and chart how they treated you,(was it consistent, did they always support you no matter what or was it unpredictable) how they treated others and how they thought about themselves in your opinion. Remember to go back from childhood to present day. You will be amazed at what stares back at you. You have either surrounded yourself with emotionally safe people whom you could count on or you have a stack of folks who have been there once in a while but definitely not on a healthy, dependable, predictable basis.
When you assess the people who have influenced your development, take a look at how you relate to others. Are you having a hard time discerning who is really there for you and who is healthy for you? Don't worry, this is common for a lot of us. This topic has come up often this week. I have been referring folks to Henry Cloud and John Townsend's books, Safe People and Boundaries (both are available on the buy books/cd's portion of my website). They couch both subjects with a Christian perspective in a clinical sense. I have found the books useful no matter what your belief system may be. They indicate that when we have not developed the ability to discern healthy people, we tend to repeat patterns and draw into our lives people who are not safe for us and we start to believe it is because we are too needy that they let us down. We start to believe something is wrong with us when it continues to happen in a continual pattern in our families, relationships, marriages and friendships.
Take stock this week and let's get on the road to healthy by re-evaluating the true relationships in our lives versus the ones we believe to be true.
Make it a great week! Stop by my facebook page and drop me a line! Don't forget to tune in on Friday at 11am to Frankly Speaking at 1530 am or at WCTR.com to listen online by clicking listen live and scrolling down and clicking on Frankly Speaking.
Be well,
Andrea
I hope you are nestled and warm, all snug in your homes! It is C-O-L-D!!!! There's nothing like nesting this time of year!
In keeping with my challenge of getting real about your relationships( my 2011 Challenge - the 5 F's), I am encouraging you to take stock of the people who have most influenced you in your life. Make a list and chart how they treated you,(was it consistent, did they always support you no matter what or was it unpredictable) how they treated others and how they thought about themselves in your opinion. Remember to go back from childhood to present day. You will be amazed at what stares back at you. You have either surrounded yourself with emotionally safe people whom you could count on or you have a stack of folks who have been there once in a while but definitely not on a healthy, dependable, predictable basis.
When you assess the people who have influenced your development, take a look at how you relate to others. Are you having a hard time discerning who is really there for you and who is healthy for you? Don't worry, this is common for a lot of us. This topic has come up often this week. I have been referring folks to Henry Cloud and John Townsend's books, Safe People and Boundaries (both are available on the buy books/cd's portion of my website). They couch both subjects with a Christian perspective in a clinical sense. I have found the books useful no matter what your belief system may be. They indicate that when we have not developed the ability to discern healthy people, we tend to repeat patterns and draw into our lives people who are not safe for us and we start to believe it is because we are too needy that they let us down. We start to believe something is wrong with us when it continues to happen in a continual pattern in our families, relationships, marriages and friendships.
Take stock this week and let's get on the road to healthy by re-evaluating the true relationships in our lives versus the ones we believe to be true.
Make it a great week! Stop by my facebook page and drop me a line! Don't forget to tune in on Friday at 11am to Frankly Speaking at 1530 am or at WCTR.com to listen online by clicking listen live and scrolling down and clicking on Frankly Speaking.
Be well,
Andrea
Sunday, January 16, 2011
WCTR's Frankly Speaking 2011 Challenge
Hello all!
I figured my absence has been noticeable enough! It's time to get back to blogging! My weekly radio show on WCTR, 1530 am has been so exciting! I am so thankful to my sponsors: Kentisland.org, Weemscreeksolutions.com, Fisher Law in Annapolis and Chesapeake Mom's Club to date. My guests have been great, too: Triton Wealth Management, Executive Coach Eileen Nonemaker and this week, Imago therapist, Kat Mahone. Future shows include Dr. Lou Aymard, founder of the Parenting Center at Anne Arundel County Community College and others who will help us along the way!
My challenge to all of you is to get real in 2011 and work toward authenticity. We're looking at our families, belief systems (faith practices),finances, fitness and fun!
This is the year where I challenge you not to make resolutions but to re-evaluate and stop settling in your lives. If you're doing work you don't enjoy or your relationships are not what you want them to be, this is the year we will get real and work toward authenticity. Consider me your accountability
partner and let's get moving toward the you you want to be! Tune in and join us on Fridays at 11 am at 1530 am or online at WCTR.com.
Let's roll!
Warmly,
Andrea
I figured my absence has been noticeable enough! It's time to get back to blogging! My weekly radio show on WCTR, 1530 am has been so exciting! I am so thankful to my sponsors: Kentisland.org, Weemscreeksolutions.com, Fisher Law in Annapolis and Chesapeake Mom's Club to date. My guests have been great, too: Triton Wealth Management, Executive Coach Eileen Nonemaker and this week, Imago therapist, Kat Mahone. Future shows include Dr. Lou Aymard, founder of the Parenting Center at Anne Arundel County Community College and others who will help us along the way!
My challenge to all of you is to get real in 2011 and work toward authenticity. We're looking at our families, belief systems (faith practices),finances, fitness and fun!
This is the year where I challenge you not to make resolutions but to re-evaluate and stop settling in your lives. If you're doing work you don't enjoy or your relationships are not what you want them to be, this is the year we will get real and work toward authenticity. Consider me your accountability
partner and let's get moving toward the you you want to be! Tune in and join us on Fridays at 11 am at 1530 am or online at WCTR.com.
Let's roll!
Warmly,
Andrea
Sunday, December 19, 2010
My wishes.....
This Christmas season I wish for authenticity for people, for acceptance of one another, for truth and kindness and grace to be exchanged and for wonderful gatherings, treasured memories, warm laughter and big hugs. My hope is that no matter what your situation is, that you get to unwrap these things and that you share them with someone else on your list.
It's nice to make a list like this. This week on the radio in talking with the folks at Triton Wealth Management (Wayne Zussman and Karen Baer) we touched on ways we could show our love to people on our list without spending beyond our means. Make time for people, create a coupon book of special outings or scheduled things to do together. Most importantly, enjoy one another and be present to each other.
May you and yours have a blessed Christmas!
Warmly,
Andrea
It's nice to make a list like this. This week on the radio in talking with the folks at Triton Wealth Management (Wayne Zussman and Karen Baer) we touched on ways we could show our love to people on our list without spending beyond our means. Make time for people, create a coupon book of special outings or scheduled things to do together. Most importantly, enjoy one another and be present to each other.
May you and yours have a blessed Christmas!
Warmly,
Andrea
Sunday, December 12, 2010
Words and Behavior....
Thanks to all of those people who listened to my first broadcast on 1530AM, WCTR last Friday at 11 am. I appreciated your phone calls, e-mails and continued support as I embark on this new venture. Join me at the same time this Friday.
Anyone who knows me well knows that I am a big proponent of words and behavior matching. When they don't, my guard is up. I try to live by this and take it to extremes at times. For example, I will not tell my kids we are going to do something special I have planned unless I am absolutely sure I can make it happen. I'd rather them find out as we are pulling into the parking lot of some place special and be surprised than make them a promise and not be able to deliver.
I am quick to take note when I start to notice someone saying they are going to do something and then they don't follow through - especially if they are promising it to me or my kids. I won't get angry or hold a grudge, I will just know in the future not to take the person at their word.
The recipe is simple. Do what you can, don't over promise and deliver what you say you will. It helps to keep you living an authentic life and to be (to the people who matter most to you or even colleagues, co-workers,etc) who you want to be to them. It's amazing the difference you will make in your own life and in the quality of your relationships.
This week start paying attention to what you say and be sure your behavior is proof. Take notes and see if there are any discrepancies. If there are, be sure to close the gap.
Have a great week!
-Andrea
Anyone who knows me well knows that I am a big proponent of words and behavior matching. When they don't, my guard is up. I try to live by this and take it to extremes at times. For example, I will not tell my kids we are going to do something special I have planned unless I am absolutely sure I can make it happen. I'd rather them find out as we are pulling into the parking lot of some place special and be surprised than make them a promise and not be able to deliver.
I am quick to take note when I start to notice someone saying they are going to do something and then they don't follow through - especially if they are promising it to me or my kids. I won't get angry or hold a grudge, I will just know in the future not to take the person at their word.
The recipe is simple. Do what you can, don't over promise and deliver what you say you will. It helps to keep you living an authentic life and to be (to the people who matter most to you or even colleagues, co-workers,etc) who you want to be to them. It's amazing the difference you will make in your own life and in the quality of your relationships.
This week start paying attention to what you say and be sure your behavior is proof. Take notes and see if there are any discrepancies. If there are, be sure to close the gap.
Have a great week!
-Andrea
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